My name is Rachel, I’m 27 years old, married, and have three amazing kids. With the birth of my first child (my son Luke) I gained a lot of weight, 67 pounds to be exact. I didn’t have a personal trainer to help me lose all the post baby weight like the celebrity mothers now days who can pull off a bikini a week after delivery. As a matter of fact I don’t remember a time in my life where I have EVER been able to pull off wearing a bikini, but that’s not my point. My point is that one of my biggest issues in my life has always been weight. I’ve never been skinny but in my younger years, aka before giving birth to said amazing kids, I was a lot smaller. Now I’m not blaming my weight issues on my kids, it’s my own fault, but at the same time I’m not really wanting to talk all about myself today. I was just kind of giving you a bit of insight to my life.
Actually, I want to talk about my 8 year old daughter, Lauren. She is tall for her age, dark brown eyes, and brown hair. She’s considerate, funny, and loves her ballet class. Lauren isn’t overweight or considered obese at all, she is simply taller than the average 8 year old. However, my daughter struggles with body image….already! The first time I heard her voice her concerns was the first day of school in second grade, she was worried that her outfit made her look fat. I was completely shocked, because for one thing she’s not fat at all, she’s tall and lean. BUT everyone around has emphasized the need for a great body.
Now while I’m freaking out and thinking “What the heck she’s only 8!! When I was 8 I didn’t want to brush my hair and ran around with my male cousins in the woods playing cops and bad guys! COME ON!” I was missing the key role that I play in my daughter’s view of the world and her perception of beauty. It hit me one day when I was standing in my mirror, distressed, complaining about how my jeans were snug and I said simply “God, I’m so fat”. My daughter then says “mommy, you’re not fat. Please don’t say that. You are beautiful.” What an idiot I have been, I thought. Here my little girl is telling me that I’m perfect just the way I am when I should’ve been telling her this, and I have before, but you have to realize that what your children hear you say, and watch you do is more than likely what they are going to say, think, and do.
I’ve decided that in order to help my daughter in the way she perceives herself I have to change some things about me. For one, I have to stop being so negative about myself all the time. I don’t consider myself ugly I’ve just always felt that because I was overweight that I couldn’t be considered pretty or attractive. Why do I think that? Well because everywhere I look (T.V., magazines, movies, college campus for pete’s sake) tells me that being skinny is the only way to be pretty. WRONG!!! (insert annoying buzzer noise here) why do we think that? I’m so dang down on myself all the time that it’s affecting my kids. So this is it, I’m stopping this now. I want my children to be confident in themselves, not worrying constantly about fitting in or looking like someone else and if I want that for them, I have to show them how to act this way. Not saying that I’m not going to be working my behind off to loose weight, but that’s because I’m not happy with myself, not because someone told me I’m fat. I’m going to teach my children confidence and independence through my actions.
Sometimes it’s hard, sometimes we get overwhelmed with what’s in our face every day, but that’s okay. The battle only makes victory that much sweeter. I’m going to take the advice of my sister, Rebekah, and say that I’m beautiful and unique in my very own way. I’m going to build up the confidence in myself and share it…
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